Everyone knows I can barely walk 100 yards without tripping over the floor or walking into a lamp post.

So as you imagine me moving to Canada, in January, where there is a shit load of snow and ice, did not go down well with my friends and family. When I say not go down well,  I mean:

Mum: “Promise me you will not go skiing, you cannot not even walk up the stairs”

Dad: “Does your travel insurance cover high risk activities!?” (A.k.a walking)

Best Friend: “…yeah you are just going to die…”

There was plenty of other rude remarks but you get the general idea. Thanks friends.

I have been in Canada for over 6 weeks, 4 of which were spent up to my knees in snow and I am sorry to disappoint you all that I did not have ANY falls! (Slid, tripped, and glided do not count as falling ok!)

Yes you did read that right. Please stop that aghast look while reading this.

Want to know how I managed to not ‘fall over’? The trick is to take AGES getting somewhere, even if it pisses off your travel buddies who are are elegantly trudging their way through the snow.

Massive snow mound you have to climb over at the cross walk? No problem. Take 5 minutes analysing the footing, find the right spot then take baby steps over it, while holding your arms out for balance. Then miss the signal and have to wait for the next one.

A steep downward hill all iced up? No problem. Glide down and look like you are reenacting a penguin. You will find your buddy at the bottom waiting impatiently.

When I was in Winnipeg, Sara my friend who was driving, parked up on the road next to this huge snow bank, to which if I wanted to get out the car I would have to climb over. I did indeed manage to do this, but took me a good 5 minutes to catch up with them half way down the street. Thanks for waiting guys.

OK, full disclosure. I lied at the beginning when I said I haven’t fallen over, I did last week in Vancouver, which was my 5th week. I had a good run right?

This disaster was when I went up Grouse Mountain  on my last day. Its where the majority of people go skiing and snowboarding in the Vancouver area.  Don’t worry Mum, I didn’t go skiing, I just went up for the view and all that jazz.

They have lovely snow trails you can go on, which of course I jumped at (Not literally) Unfortunately the more rigourous ones required snowshoes, and as I am currently one very broke traveller, I did not hire any. So guess what happens next?

The lady at guest services was very clear that I am to stay on the easy trails, and not to come off the trail at any time due to an avalanche warning. (Way to make sure I keep on the trails)

So I set off to go on the ‘Light Walk’ which was only half a kilometre or so, and not enough for me, so I just carried on, I saw people without snowshoes so thought it cant be that bad right?

I saw this beautiful view of the ski lifts against the mountain in the mist and knew it was the perfect insta-worthy photo I had been looking for. So I started climbing the hill for a better shot, and I was really struggling with my grip but I persevered. Next thing I know I am half way back down the hill face first in the snow. FAIL.

Snow is not soft FYI like everyone thinks, well if you go down like a sack of shit like me that is. What made it worse was my phone was buried in the snow, so I had to fish it out and of course it died, so I couldn’t even get the shot from a distance!

No it does not end there. After brushing myself off, I set myself back on the trail. This took me down some stairs formed of snow, then onto a bridge. I obviously did not do an elegant job, and slid off the bottom step, glided along the ice and only stopped because I crashed into this poor gentlemen on the bridge.  He did not find it amusing, no matter how much I tried to apologise.

So I hope I have amused you with some of my clumsy stories, as I know this is all you guys really want to hear.

I am pretty sure now that I have moved to Invermere, which is in a mountain valley and pretty much covered in just snow and ice, I will be giving you A LOT more.

Peace out Y’all

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